iPhone Free Apps

We all know Angry Birds

We all know Fruit Ninja

We all know Cut The Rope.

We ALSO download a lot of useless free app games that took less time to develop than it does to make a Hot Pocket.

I have downloaded a TON of these games, and their quality varies from title to title. This review is dedicated to the six free games that have had the biggest impact on me. So, what're we waiting for? Let's get started with....

DOODLE TRUCK

You play as a delivery truck that delivers crates to all the demons in the bowels of HELL. At least that's what I assume is going on. Whoever you work for has sent you on a road that has massive gaps, mountains, and jumps.

Not to mention your truck is a pile of crap. First of all the truck bed is WIDE open. So if you go at a speed of "Moving per hour" your cargo gleefully flies out of the back of the truck! Go unmarked crates possibly containing narcotics! You're free! FREE!

Also your boss has put Nitro Glycerine in the engine, the doors, the trunk, and the wheels. ANYTHING THAT TOUCHES YOU WILL DESTROY YOUR TRUCK. A lovable kitten could rub its tiny head against one of your tires:

"Hello Mr. Truck! I'm Mittens! Will you be my fr----"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

He can't finish his sentence because the truck detonated and sent him sailing through the air. (Don't worry, the kitten I just made up is fine. He landed in an old lady's purse and now spends his time playing with her grandchildren.)

DOORS

To my UTTER disappointment you do not play as Jim Morrison as he shoots up, abandons his friends and destroys his life. No instead you are trapped in a house that has obviously been designed by The Riddler.

There are 50 doors, each one has a puzzle to open it. The difficulty varies between door. Some of them are rather easy to figure out... Some of them.....

Some of them are door 16.

I entered room 16 to discover a man passed out on the floor. Being the considerate gentleman that I am, I stepped RIGHT over his body and made my way to the door, of course it was locked. I tried every item I had on me, no dice.

So I turned back to the man on the floor. I poked him. He grunted at me. I tried using my items. Nothing. I shook my iPhone. Squat. I sacrificed a chicken under a blood moon at midnight, NOTHING WOULD FREAKING WORK.

In frustration I slammed the phone face down on the couch, and heard the door unlock.

I hurriedly picked the phone, only to discover that the door had locked on me again.

It took me a minute for me to realize that the iPhone, like the Amazing Unconscious Man, had to be FACE DOWN. I ended up having to lean back like I had the worlds worst nosebleed.

STICKMAN CLIFF DIVING

You are a stick figure Cliff Diver. You are given a trick to do. Successfully pull off said trick and the judges will not give you enough points because god hates you.

You could do seven backflips, eight frontflips, solve world hunger, cure all the world's diseases, marry a beautiful blonde girl, and have her give birth to the second coming of CHRIST, all on the way down, then hit the water at a PERFECT 45 degree angle. You will STILL be twelve points short on completing the level.

Eventually you are just making the Stickman bellyflop into the water from 100 feet up and laughing as he powderizes his sternum.

BIKE RACE

Like Doodle Truck I think this one takes place in hell…

You are a motocross bike racer. You have a track suspended in the air. Your Goal? Reach the end without dying.

........

Yeah, you race no one, the title is a complete misnomer.

Out of the six, this is the one I play most. MOSTLY because it frustrates me to the point of madness.

You are going to die, you'll die a lot, and boy is it the most humorous way possible. First of all the Motorcycle's body completely disintegrates. Gone. No where to be seen. Along with the rider. In it's place is just a cartoony puff of orange smoke. I think that's because Satan has transported the rider to The Chamber of the Horny, Intrusive Gorilla for failing the test.

"Wait MCC," you are asking, "What about the wheels?"

I'm glad you asked! The wheels, celebrating their new freedom, spin merrily away in separate directions. If you listen close, you can hear them sing 1800s Slave Spirituals!

APPLE SHOOTING

Not much to talk about here. You are.... Some kind of bastard child of Crocodile Dundee and Marlon Brando, and you try to shoot an apple of the head of someone who looks like Judas Iscariot.

That, along with the background of a single tree in a sea of blackness, makes me, again, believe I'm getting a Divine Comedy style tour of the land of nightmares and hopelessness.

Eventually you will get bored of shooting the apple and you'll try to kill Judas in the most entertaining way possible. I'm not sure if this is a glitch, but one time I shot him through the nose and he began spazing out.

Ha ha ha...... I'm a terrible person

HACK RUN

HEY KIDS! You want some extreme action?!? Play HACK RUN!!!! The latest iPhone game from "Who Gives A Flyer?"

Hack into an office building!!!!

EXTREME!!!!!!

Research their business deals!!!!

EXTREME!!!!

Stare at text all day!!!!!!

EXTREME!!!!!!!

Wonder what carpet tastes like!!!!!

EXTREME!!!!!!

Hey kids! KIDS!!! AAAAAAAHHH!!!!


So that's my look at Free IPhone games. My recommendation? SHELL OUT THE DOLLAR FOR FRUIT NINJA.

Donkey Kong Country: Returns

NINTENDO MONTH: PART 4 OF 4

Before Metroid.

Before Zelda.

Even before the Mario Bros.

There was......

DONKEY KONG! Yes, I'm not sure and I don't feel like doing research, but I'm fairly sure that Donkey Kong was the first Nintendo game to hit the local arcade. You play as Mario (Then known as JumpMan) and you climb up a skyscraper under construction to rescue your girl from the Escaped Ape himself. Your path is made rougher by Donkey Kong's seemingly infinite supply of barrels.

Seriously! Where in hell was he GETTING all the barrels?!? You only see four stacked next to him, but the stack NEVER GETS SMALLER. Let's forget all the random bouncing CAR JACKS he conjures from his ass in the third level, NONE OF WHICH you see!!!

Whatever, it was still great, and so was Donkey Kong Country released for the super Nintendo. DK took the role of the hero this time. Along with his nephew and sidekick Diddy (you will never be "Diddy" to ME Sean Combes). They banded together to fight the evil Kremlings (Get it? It was the early nineties!) and their evil boss King K. Rool. It was a sidescroller and a very good one. It also introduced us to other Kongs, like Dixie, Cranky, Funky, Wrinkly and Candy.

However my introduction to the King of Swing, was Donkey Kong 64.

Donkey Kong 64 was the game that CAME with the N64. It remains one of my favorite video games of all time. Placing DK into a full three dimensional world, through insane trials, and against challenging bosses. This game was part of a push to put some Nintendo titles into a 3D perspective and, like Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time or Super Mario 64, It was a HUGE success!

So obviously, there has yet to be another game in this style.

.................

WHAT. THE. HELL?! Why? Why not?!? Was I the only kid to ever like the game? Every one else I knew with an N64 had a copy! They liked it too! STOP TOYING WITH MY EMOTIONS! WHY HAS THERE BEEN NO SEQUEL?!? WHY IS THERE NO NEWS ON A DK GAME FOR 3DS?!? HOW MUCH IS THE WII U GOING TO COST?!? DO THE TABLETS CHARGE OR TAKE AAS?!? WHEN IS THE NEW SMASH BROS. COMING OUT?!? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH---

**Editors Note**

We apologize for the previous outburst. We hope that it did not impede your enjoyment of the review. We have given the reviewer his anger medication and we now return you to the review.

*****************

So I sat down with Spunky, the talking purple Monkey-Elephant-Zebra, and popped in Donkey Kong Country returns.

Like its namesake it's a sidescroller. Move to the left and jump on anything that dislikes you. NONE of what you fight are the alligator men of tradition The Kremlings. Instead we fight some weird kind of Tiki Monster. The boss fights are pretty standard. A lot of fun though.

Some of the levels are UNGODLY. I am reminded of one in particular that almost made me eat my Wiimote. It's on the second level set and you are constantly being chased by a VERY perturbed giant octopus. I game overed when I started the level with FIFTY LIVES.

All in all a decent game. I just wish they would make a sequel to 64 those RATHUMPING BASTARDS!!! KILL!! KILLLL!!!

******** Editors Note *********

We have once again restrained Mr. DeAndrea. He would like to thank you for joining him for Nintendo Month. Be sure to join him next week.

********************

I like Jello pudding pops!

Star Fox 64 3D

NINTENDO MONTH PART 3 OF 4

Star Fox 64 was one of the four games I got this christmas, along with my 3DS. It was also my FAVORITE GAME OF ALL TIME back in 1999 when it came out for the Nintendo 64. However, will this remake hold up to it's original?!?

..........

Well yes, actually. Though with growing up, my innocence slowly being chipped away, I've noticed flaws in the game in GENERAL.

As I said last month, I have actually FINISHED this one. In fact, since I've owned it, I've beaten this game TEN TIMES. Mostly because, even THIRTEEN YEARS LATER, I still have half the levels memorized. It's MUSCLE MEMORY by now.

This game is a "flight simulator" in the same way that Street Fighter is an exercise program. It's a jet game. You fly around, and shoot anything that you see with lasers. It's a lot of fun, perfect the way it was thirteen years ago. The 3D is even workable enough to enjoy.

BUT THEN....

The game asked me if I wanted to turn on gyro controls, wherein you tilt the system to steer your space plane.

Now here's my question. Why does a game have a 3D feature that requires the system to be STILL AS THE GRAVE, but also MOTION CONTROLS?!?

You will NEVER use the gyro, EVER for ANY game, but they will keep asking you, to the point where you want to knock on Shigreyu Miamoto's door with a megaphone and scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

The story is pretty simple, if a little strange. You are Val Kilmer from Top Gun, but a fox. You team up with a falcon, a rabbit, and a toad to capture a criminal, mad scientist, space monkey.

The plot jumps the shark (yes after THAT PREMISE) when you MEET Andross (Aforementioned space monkey) and it turns out he is a giant head and two hands. (Incoming message from the big giant head.) After THAT he has a second form where he becomes a giant brain and two eyeballs that shoot lasers. (Actual quote: "Only I have the brains to rule the galaxy!")

There is however one, single, aspect of this game that I CANNOT stand.

Not the voice acting, which is atrocious.

Not the dialogue, which is laughable.

Not even the lack of online play.

It's the God. Damn. LANDMASTER.

The Landmaster is a tank that is used in some levels instead of your space plane. The steering mechanism is very unique, THERE ISN'T ONE. So expect to crash a LOT. It can "jump" in the same way that Rush Limbaugh can. It will in fact catch some air, but not very much, and when it hits the ground it will probably break something.

Every level that has this is a complete drag on the game. I have only beaten the game by avoiding these levels as if they were LEPERS.

All in all however, a good game. It's got the "Easy to learn, hard to master" aspect down. I think my MOM could get this game down. If I could get her to play.

I am THREE WEEKS into Nintendo Month, and I HAVEN'T DONE A CLASSIC SIDESCROLLER YET. I am slacking! I need what is essentially a remake of an SNES game!

NEXT ON THE GAME GRID'S NINTENDO MONTH: DONKEY KONG COUNTRY RETURNS!

Oh, disembodied voice of James Earl Jones who lives in my brain, you know me so well.

Super Mario 3D Land

NINTENDO MONTH PART 2 OF 4

First a disclaimer.

Two weeks ago I HEAVILY hinted that my next review would be Animal Crossing: Wild World. It is not. I TRIED, good GOD I tried, but I had nothing funny to say.

It's a life sim with furries, a decent one. If you like life sims check it out. The end. Buy a Game Grid t-shirt. (ATTENTION: THERE ARE NO GAME GRID T-SHIRTS AS OF YET. I WILL TRY TO FIND SOMEONE TO HOOK ME UP LATER)

I will find something to fill the fourth slot I had planned for Nintendo Month. In the meantime let's get on to week 2.

As I have said before Mario to my knowledge has never released a bad game. In fact I think that it's the only long running game franchise that can claim that. This game is no exception.

Good gameplay, good graphics, sidescrolly head-jumpy fun, blahdy blahdy blah. Punch and Judy can do a Mario review at this point.

BUT...

You don't go to an electrician to compliment your lamp, and you didn't come to me to be nice to a game.

So I started Super Mario 3D Land, or, as it SHOULD be called Super Mario Tanooki Suit.

Yes! Back from Super Mario Brothers 3, the Tanooki Suit dresses Mario up as a raccoon and allows him the ability to glide temporarily because..... Japanese..... Folktale? You had better have this suit ON in every single level. If you don't have one, go to the nearest door and take dead lessons from the nails.

There is practically NO LEVEL that can be completed without it. The levels that CAN be completed without it, will make you miss out on valuable Star Medals, but who cares, right? It's just used for extras. I can probably complete the game without those.

WRONG! As I found out when I got to the midway boss castle! I needed FIFTY star medals to enter the level.

I had fifteen.

The next TWO HOURS of playtime were spent trudging through previous levels getting EVERY star medal I missed. Dying again and again again and AGAIN. However it didn't matter that much because at this point I was hoarding lives in my tree for the winter. It was at this point that I saw something very strange.

I respawned at the checkpoint for the BILLIONTH time when I saw a box that had not been there before. On the box was printed the icon of a Tanooki Leaf.

"Oh good!" I thought. "The game has clued in that the Tanooki Suit is as needed as BREATHING! It is apologizing by giving me a free one!"

I opened the box and out popped a GOLDEN Tanooki Leaf. This gave me the white Tanooki Suit. Which allowed me to gain unlimited invincibility. I was very proud of myself for gaining this rare and valuable unlockable! Though when I moved to the next level I lost the suit. I also, no matter how hard I tried could not make the block reappear.

I looked online to see how I could make this gaming lightning strike twice and I got a SHOCKING answer. The Golden Leaf only appears when you have died enough times on one level.

That's right. THE GAME IS FEELING SORRY FOR YOU!!

"Ohhhh." smarms the game "You're a little SLOW aren't you. Here take the shiny thing and go about your merry way. Your helmet's got your name on it."

Who the HELL do you think you are! You can take your Pity Leaf and shove it up your pixelated ASS! I'm hardcoring this mother.

That's what I THOUGHT, not what I DID.

Of COURSE you take it. You ALWAYS take it. The White Tanooki Suit, however, DOESN'T keep you from falling of cliffs. So you can still die....

If you do that ENOUGH. You get ANOTHER item.

The P-Wing.

The P-Wing allows you to SKIP TO THE END OF THE LEVEL.

"Oh I'm sorry! I thought a HUMAN BEING was at the controls! You are obviously some kind of unwashed chimp who got his grubby hand-feet on a 3DS. Here monkey! Go! Make the little man fly! At the end if you're good you get a mango!"

Again, this IS Mario. It's a great game. Remember, though this IS Mario, game has no mercy at all.

I haven't COMPLETED a game since I've been doing this blog. I can't give you the full scope of a review if I haven't played through the whole game. What I need is something I can easily blast through in an afternoon, but I can still find serious fault in.

NEXT ON THE GAME GRID'S NINTENDO MONTH: STARFOX 64 3D!

There we go.

Kirby: Mass Attack

Nintendo Month! Part 1 of 4!

Hello dear blogosphere and welcome to NINTENDO MONTH! Yes from now until mid June, I will be reviewing the best, and indeed the very WORST of what my favorite gaming company has to offer.

At least that's what I THOUGHT. Until someone pointed out that this is a GAME review blog. So I didn't actually have to watch Captain N: The Game Master or The Legend of Zelda cartoon.

After untying the hostages and removing the barrel of the gun from my temple, I looked at what I had cued up for the month. I found at the top of the pile Kirby: Mass Attack!

Kirby! Nintendo's Pink Powerhouse! I play a LOT of his games! I've loved all the ones I've played! He's even my primary character in Super Smash Bros. Melee! How can this possibly disappoint me!!!

The game is controlled mostly via touchscreen.

WELL THAT DIDN'T TAKE LONG!!!

You realize the system has BUTTONS right, Edward StylusHands? You use the touchscreen to do EXTRA stuff! It's not a goddamn IPhone!

From this and my Sonic Chronicles review you have probably guessed I am not a HUGE fan of touchscreen based control. It never works ever, at least for me. It also pisses me off that it's putting hard working A-buttons out of work!

The premise of this game is that Kirby (walking pink marshmallow and defender of DreamLand) is attacked by a big black cloud of evil that breaks his power into ten bodies and gets rid of nine. The only way you can regain the bodies is by.... Eating.......fruit.

If you are playing a Kirby game for gripping story you need to check yourself into some kind of institution.

Yes you can control up to TEN Kirbys in this game. You lead them around with the touchscreen like dogs on a leash.

THIS IS NOT IMMERSION. Immersion is when you are playing Star Wars: The Force Unleashed and you actually scream "DIE DIE DIE!" at the screen and then you look out the window and you realize it's four days later.

I'm not controlling Kirby! I'm controlling his little guide that tells him where to go! The intro even SAYS that!

Wouldn't it be awesome if in Ocarina of Time, instead of controlling Link, you were controlling the little insufferable FAIRY the whole time?!? Wouldn't that be the best game since Heroes of Mana?!?!

Then there is the combat......

OH GOD, THE COMBAT.

The combat consists of you frantically tapping on an enemy and then all ten Kirbys pile on and pummel it to death. As funny as that SOUNDS (and it sounds really, REALLY funny) it never frigging WORKS.

You end up with two Kirbys pummeling the enemy, three trying to phase through a wall, one staring off into space trying to remember where he lives, and four DEAD because another enemy has snuck up and EATEN THEM ALL.

The combat is atrocious, the music is irritating, and there are plenty of other Kirby titles that use BUTTONS, JUST AS GOD INTENDED YOU MOUTHBREATHING HEATHENS! BURN, BURN FOR YOUR SINS AG---

Happy place....... Happy place.....

Well Nintendo Month is off to a flying start! You know what, I'm being pessimistic. I'm sure it can only get better from here!

NEXT ON THE GAME GRID'S NINTENDO MONTH: ANIMAL CROSSING WILD WORLD.

All right lady sit your ass back down! Where the hell did I put the gun?!?

Final Fantasy IV

THE QUEST FOR A JRPG COMPLETE !!!

Yes it's finally time! Time for me to take on Square Enix's ongoing Final Fantasy series! I have been a huge fan of this series since 2003! I was twelve and my mom decided to purchase a shiny new PlayStation 2 and three games. Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, Final Fantasy VII, and Final Fantasy X.

Two of those games were fun and filled with a decent story.

The other was Final Fantasy X.

After THOSE painful memories reentered my brain and I went on my twelve hour killing spree, I calmed myself with thoughts of VII and IX and put the card in the slot.

The main character's name is Cecil. As I watched the opening cinematic I wonder which school of Final Fantasy Hero he had graduated from.

The Squall Academy? Being a whiny emo douchenozzle but getting better later in the game?

The Cloud Academy? Being a whiny emo douchenozzle but making up for it by being an unlicensed badass? (In my opinion, anyway. :P)

The Tidus Academy? Being a whiny emo douchenozzle and just generally sucking?

I was hoping for a very rare ZIDANE Academy Alumnus. Not being a whiny emo douchenozzle AT ALL.

What I GOT was the next best thing.

The Cecil Academy. Being a whiny emo douchenozzle for reasons I can't actually argue with.

The first MINUTE of the game has him walking into a kingdom. Slaughtering all the guards and civilians, and taking their magical thingy. Then leaving.

It becomes clear that he is "only following orders," but he knows thats no excuse.

He is then sent on yet another mission from his king. Take this ring to the village up north. No harm right?

On the way they run into, and kill, a dragon.

When they GET to the village the ring begins to glow, and then release monsters that burn the village to the ground.

Cecil also realizes that by killing the dragon, he has also killed a nine year old's mother.

Rated E-10! For ages 10 and up!

What you end up getting is a character who feels LEGITIMATELY tortured. He goes on a very believable, very compelling tale of redemption.

This is obviously what was SUPPOSED to happen with Lightning from Final Fantasy XIII, but she was to busy flashing her 2010 Tidus Academy class ring for that to work.

Then of course there is Golbez, the games villain. Only three methods for Final Fantasy villains.

Sephiroph Academy: I have white hair and a sunken expression. I am probably a clone and am slowly dying.

Seymour Academy: My brand of evil is simply FABULOUUUUS!!!

Chaos Academy: ME BIG SCARY DEMON!!! BLARG BLARG BLARG!!!!

Golbez comes in nearer to the last category than anything else. He's seven feet tall. Covered in giant imposing spiked black armor. He can't have five SECONDS on screen without twisting his curly mustache. He is that kind of threatening that almost makes you giggle.

The gameplay is turn based fun. Ive gone into this in the last three reviews. No need to do so again.

Make no mistake this game DOES have its flaws. Mostly the standard stuff from Square Enix.

You've got the dialogue! Written by monkeys who were given a dictionary and seven bottles of Bacardi 151! ("You spoony bard!")

Of course, you can't have a square game without your "What the living hell is going on," moments.

You've got your voyage to space, your traveling pompom bear rabbit, your riding chickens, but those are all par for the course.

No, what sets this game apart in terms of mindf$@ks are the DANCERS.

In almost every town you enter you will see a woman with pink hair and a modest red dress. Talk to her and she will ask if you want to watch her "practice."

Accept and she will immediately strip down to her undergarments and dance on the nearest table or in the nearest body of water.

Rated E-10! For ages 10 and up!

You can hire a lap dance! I was going to do a spit take, but I was holding my $169.99 Black Friday Special Nintendo 3DS, so I just dribbled Sprite out of my nose!

Overall though a definite recommend. The characters are likable. The gameplay is fun. And the story is pretty gripping. Get your hands on it if you can.

I also recommend brutally killing anyone in a Tidus cosplay. Now if you will excuse me, thinking about FFX has brought back the VOICES!!!

Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story

THE QUEST FOR A JRPG! PART 3:

The quest had left me despondent. I had been roaming through the desert of "Almost JRPGs" and my goal, the shining brilliant mountain of Final Fantasy IV, laid a two days walk away.

In my travel across the wasteland I only had Sonic Chronicles to use for sustenance which, while not actively poisonous, did not satisfy.

I was also mauled by a Six-tailed giant scorpion known to the locals as "Heroes of Mana." Said to have the ability to drive a man to madness, the beast left me near death and with little hope of reaching the mountain.

And then a miracle!

I came across a tiny oasis in the desert! Filled with a pool of decent gameplay! Fruits of a good story! It wasn't the mountain! But it would sustain me until I reached my goal!

.............

I wonder if it's a crime to kill a metaphor.

Mario is no stranger to the turn based RPG. Starting with Super Mario RPG for the SNES, continuing through the Paper Mario series and culminating here in Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story.

I hinted in my last review that I have never seen the Mario Brothers to deliver a bad game, and this one is certainly no exception. It's not QUITE what I was looking for, but it would do for now.

The game starts with a tiny Toad (the mushroom people who populate the mushroom kingdom) returning home to his family. His mother instructs him to go get his father down to dinner.

He bursts down the stairs in sudden shock. His father has contracted......

THE BLORBS!!!

............

That's a funny name for a horrible disease....

Yes the Blorbs! A disease unique to Toads, it makes the patient grow to a giant sphere shape and roll away.

Princess Peach Toadstool holds a council to find a solution to the epidemic.

It's a problem in the Mushroom Kingdom! CALL IN THE MARIO BROTHERS!

Mario and Luigi go to see what they can do about the problem, unfortunately they are closely followed by Bowser. The evil king of the Koopa, a race of turtles who wish to destroy the Toads and take over the Mushroom Kingdo--- Okay I know how goofy this sounds just bear with me (ROOOWRR)
SHUT UP BOSKOV!

Long story short. Bowser gets beat. Winds up in the forest. Meets a salesman who gives him a magic mushroom that allows him to suck Mario and Luigi down into his body.

The salesman is actually Fawful. He's.... Imagine if a snow pea became a mad scientist. He spread the Blorbs to take over the Mushroom Kingdom. He also tricked Bowser into eating the "Vacuum Shroom" in order to get the Brothers AND the Koopa King out of the way.

Believe it or not, this gets even MORE complicated, but for the rest you'll just have to play the game.

Gameplay is turn based combat, with a couple of twists. Each character is assigned a button (Luigi B, Mario A, Bowser X,Y). A lot of the damage you do depends on timing. The best part is that if you're playing the game 100% perfectly you will NEVER take a hit.

Every time an enemy launches an attack you are given the opportunity to dodge or deflect. This happens with EVERY ENEMY ATTACK. However it's harder than it sounds. Like everything else in this game, it requires precise timing.

I'm being to nice. I need to nitpick something...

The goddamn minigames are a nice fat target!

Every once in a while Bowser will need to do something in the outside world that requires some form of muscle stimulus. Mario and Luigi (being inside his body) must perform said stimulus. This usually requires hitting colored orbs at the muscle. This is a fiery pain in the ass. It requires the timing of Big Ben, and the patience of JOB. It gets REALLY grating REALLY fast.

It's definitely not a deal breaker. Pick this game up if you want a very fun (if a little strange) adventure.

But I had to put it aside.

I heard a thud at the door. I ran to see what had happened.

I saw a package from Amazon.com. I had reached the summit.