Star Fox 64 3D

NINTENDO MONTH PART 3 OF 4

Star Fox 64 was one of the four games I got this christmas, along with my 3DS. It was also my FAVORITE GAME OF ALL TIME back in 1999 when it came out for the Nintendo 64. However, will this remake hold up to it's original?!?

..........

Well yes, actually. Though with growing up, my innocence slowly being chipped away, I've noticed flaws in the game in GENERAL.

As I said last month, I have actually FINISHED this one. In fact, since I've owned it, I've beaten this game TEN TIMES. Mostly because, even THIRTEEN YEARS LATER, I still have half the levels memorized. It's MUSCLE MEMORY by now.

This game is a "flight simulator" in the same way that Street Fighter is an exercise program. It's a jet game. You fly around, and shoot anything that you see with lasers. It's a lot of fun, perfect the way it was thirteen years ago. The 3D is even workable enough to enjoy.

BUT THEN....

The game asked me if I wanted to turn on gyro controls, wherein you tilt the system to steer your space plane.

Now here's my question. Why does a game have a 3D feature that requires the system to be STILL AS THE GRAVE, but also MOTION CONTROLS?!?

You will NEVER use the gyro, EVER for ANY game, but they will keep asking you, to the point where you want to knock on Shigreyu Miamoto's door with a megaphone and scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

The story is pretty simple, if a little strange. You are Val Kilmer from Top Gun, but a fox. You team up with a falcon, a rabbit, and a toad to capture a criminal, mad scientist, space monkey.

The plot jumps the shark (yes after THAT PREMISE) when you MEET Andross (Aforementioned space monkey) and it turns out he is a giant head and two hands. (Incoming message from the big giant head.) After THAT he has a second form where he becomes a giant brain and two eyeballs that shoot lasers. (Actual quote: "Only I have the brains to rule the galaxy!")

There is however one, single, aspect of this game that I CANNOT stand.

Not the voice acting, which is atrocious.

Not the dialogue, which is laughable.

Not even the lack of online play.

It's the God. Damn. LANDMASTER.

The Landmaster is a tank that is used in some levels instead of your space plane. The steering mechanism is very unique, THERE ISN'T ONE. So expect to crash a LOT. It can "jump" in the same way that Rush Limbaugh can. It will in fact catch some air, but not very much, and when it hits the ground it will probably break something.

Every level that has this is a complete drag on the game. I have only beaten the game by avoiding these levels as if they were LEPERS.

All in all however, a good game. It's got the "Easy to learn, hard to master" aspect down. I think my MOM could get this game down. If I could get her to play.

I am THREE WEEKS into Nintendo Month, and I HAVEN'T DONE A CLASSIC SIDESCROLLER YET. I am slacking! I need what is essentially a remake of an SNES game!

NEXT ON THE GAME GRID'S NINTENDO MONTH: DONKEY KONG COUNTRY RETURNS!

Oh, disembodied voice of James Earl Jones who lives in my brain, you know me so well.