Donkey Kong Country: Returns

NINTENDO MONTH: PART 4 OF 4

Before Metroid.

Before Zelda.

Even before the Mario Bros.

There was......

DONKEY KONG! Yes, I'm not sure and I don't feel like doing research, but I'm fairly sure that Donkey Kong was the first Nintendo game to hit the local arcade. You play as Mario (Then known as JumpMan) and you climb up a skyscraper under construction to rescue your girl from the Escaped Ape himself. Your path is made rougher by Donkey Kong's seemingly infinite supply of barrels.

Seriously! Where in hell was he GETTING all the barrels?!? You only see four stacked next to him, but the stack NEVER GETS SMALLER. Let's forget all the random bouncing CAR JACKS he conjures from his ass in the third level, NONE OF WHICH you see!!!

Whatever, it was still great, and so was Donkey Kong Country released for the super Nintendo. DK took the role of the hero this time. Along with his nephew and sidekick Diddy (you will never be "Diddy" to ME Sean Combes). They banded together to fight the evil Kremlings (Get it? It was the early nineties!) and their evil boss King K. Rool. It was a sidescroller and a very good one. It also introduced us to other Kongs, like Dixie, Cranky, Funky, Wrinkly and Candy.

However my introduction to the King of Swing, was Donkey Kong 64.

Donkey Kong 64 was the game that CAME with the N64. It remains one of my favorite video games of all time. Placing DK into a full three dimensional world, through insane trials, and against challenging bosses. This game was part of a push to put some Nintendo titles into a 3D perspective and, like Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time or Super Mario 64, It was a HUGE success!

So obviously, there has yet to be another game in this style.

.................

WHAT. THE. HELL?! Why? Why not?!? Was I the only kid to ever like the game? Every one else I knew with an N64 had a copy! They liked it too! STOP TOYING WITH MY EMOTIONS! WHY HAS THERE BEEN NO SEQUEL?!? WHY IS THERE NO NEWS ON A DK GAME FOR 3DS?!? HOW MUCH IS THE WII U GOING TO COST?!? DO THE TABLETS CHARGE OR TAKE AAS?!? WHEN IS THE NEW SMASH BROS. COMING OUT?!? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH---

**Editors Note**

We apologize for the previous outburst. We hope that it did not impede your enjoyment of the review. We have given the reviewer his anger medication and we now return you to the review.

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So I sat down with Spunky, the talking purple Monkey-Elephant-Zebra, and popped in Donkey Kong Country returns.

Like its namesake it's a sidescroller. Move to the left and jump on anything that dislikes you. NONE of what you fight are the alligator men of tradition The Kremlings. Instead we fight some weird kind of Tiki Monster. The boss fights are pretty standard. A lot of fun though.

Some of the levels are UNGODLY. I am reminded of one in particular that almost made me eat my Wiimote. It's on the second level set and you are constantly being chased by a VERY perturbed giant octopus. I game overed when I started the level with FIFTY LIVES.

All in all a decent game. I just wish they would make a sequel to 64 those RATHUMPING BASTARDS!!! KILL!! KILLLL!!!

******** Editors Note *********

We have once again restrained Mr. DeAndrea. He would like to thank you for joining him for Nintendo Month. Be sure to join him next week.

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I like Jello pudding pops!