Civilization: Revolution

Hey, all you Bronies in the readership! Today we are going to learn about friendship!

You see I've spent the last couple of days playing Civilization: Revolution and (much like my favorite TV show) it has taught me much about how to treat my friends.

First, though, let me explain about the Civilization franchise.

The gameplay's sort of hard to describe, it's almost a virtual BOARD game. You pick which Civilization to play as (American, Egyptian, Roman, etc.), you play through four different ages (Ancient, Medieval, Industrial, Modern) and try to win in one of four different ways:

Cultural Victory: Build lots of museums, art galleries, churches and the like to attract historical figures to your civilization. Attract twenty of them and you get to build the United Nations.

..... And apparently HERE, it's good for something.

Scientific Victory: Up the technology of your civilization to the point of space flight.

Build a starship to fly to Alpha Centauri.

Economic Victory: Make $20,000

.......

Okay, what caused the massive deflation... And where can I GET some?

Domination Victory: Cry HAVOC.. And let slip the dogs of war!

Yeah, this one should be self explanatory.

Do one of those things, the game is over. Start again with a new map, as a new civilization.

Another thing that's very important is Diplomacy with other Civilizations! So let's get HARMONIOUS up in here!

Okay, let's get started!

Okay, I'll play as the Americans, I guess. Oh, my avatar is Abe Lincoln, that's cute.

Okay... Run around.... Build up some cities.... I wonder what victory I'm going to go for...

Hey look! It's Montezuma! He wants me to sign a peace treaty.

...... You know what? F$&k him!

We're going for a domination victory this time! HOO-Rah! U! S! A! U! S! A! U-

..........

Dear Princess Celestia

Today I learned, from my friend Montezuma, that when someone offers you his hand in friendship, you'd better take it. Lest said someone developed gunpowder before YOU did, and he proceeds to destroy any trace of your civilization, and salt the earth where it once stood.

Your faithful student,
Master Control Cynic

Yeah, so that didn't work out too well. Let me try that again.

I'll play as the EGYPTIANS this time. Ooh, I'm Cleopatra! Hot! Okay.....

I'm going for a scientific victory this time. I've always wanted to see what Space-Age Pharaohs would look like.

So I spent my time sending settlers to go around and build cities ad nauseum, also upgrading my technology as far as I could, and forming up a VERY LARGE standing army, just in case any of my neighbors got ideas.

Speaking of my neighbors, a lot of my funding for my science division came from trading with the other Civilizations on the map. So we became good friends.

Mostly.....

Genghis Kahn keeps bugging me about giving him tech I DON'T think he should have. He's been trying to kick Catherine the Great's ass since the beginning of the game. He wants some of my military tech to finish the job.

I'm.... I'm not going to do that. Catherine has been my main source of cash this whole time, mostly because she wanted cultural knowledge. I'm not going to screw her over cause YOU have a bone to pick!

.....

Hold on.

Dear Princess Celestia

Sometimes it's hard when two of your friends aren't getting along. I've learned that it's best not to get involved in those kinds of fights. It's best to let them work it out for themselves.

After all, no one should be forced to choose between two good friends.

Your faithful student,
Master Control Cynic

Okay, that's settled. Not getting involved.

And..... Genghis has just sent me a wire saying that if I don't give him a tank he'll rip my head off.

.........

Dear Princess Celestia

F$&k the Mongols

MCC

I took GREAT PLEASURE in wiping the smug bastard off the face of the earth with the fury of God's own thunder. It became very clear that if I WANTED a domination victory, I could have had it by now.

But no, I was almost finished building my starship and heading out. So I was going to finish that.

I bet my friends will be so happ-- WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?!?!

Seriously guys, why-- CATHERINE? YOU TOO?!

.........

Dear Princess Celestia

Today I learned that all of my friends are jealous assholes who want victory all for themselves.

So yeah, either destroy all those around you, or always be packing. Up to you.

Your rapidly aging student
Master Control Cynic

EVERYONE declared war on me at once when I was a few turns away from Alpha Centauri.

I managed to hold the fort until I made it, but still, what the hell?

My final recommendation......

I'd check it out.

This is probably the most COMPLICATED game I have ever reviewed. I think you guys have the GENERAL idea of how the game works, but it is REALLY hard to describe.

And.... I honestly don't like it that much.

Yeah, it falls in the same area as XCOM for me. I feel.... out of my element with this game.

But it's certainly IMPRESSIVE. They did a lot with this game, and for a free game, I got MORE than my money's worth.

So yeah. Check it out. If only to give credence to one of the most intricate gameplay setups I've ever seen.

.....

You know, something occurred to me.

April 2nd of this year is the second anniversary of my first review.

I should do something special.

Well my first review was.....

Oh.... Oh I could do THAT game.

It IS my favorite video game of all time....

But I CAN'T review that game, it's a sequel. To review it I would have to review the game- sorry- the TWO games that came before it to explain why I love it so much.

And describing the first game to my mother caused her to literally burst out laughing. Mostly because my explanation skills were low when I was TWELVE.

You know what? Challenge excepted! I'm going to do it! My BIGGEST challenge yet!

NEXT POST: KINGDOM HEARTS

Okay. This is going to take a WHILE. So I'll see you guys next week.