Batman: Arkham City

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Yes! Yes. Yes. Yes. After TWO STRAIGHT REVIEWS of games so bad I was considering a ban against free games, I get to look at something that rarely fails to be awesome! BATMAN.

......

Okay, to be perfectly honest, while I do love Batman, I can only take so much of him at a time.

Batman is really DARK and BROODING. I can only read a certain amount of DARK and BROODING before I get sad. There has also been a high quotient of DARK and BROODING in media lately, partially because of Batman. There is so much DARK and BROODING I'm beginning to find it OVERWROUGHT and IRRITATING.

However I can ALWAYS watch Batman the Animated series, it's one of my favorite shows....

And THIS game was made by the same creators.

Okay, not quite. This game is a sequel. The FIRST game was made by the same creators, this game was SUPERVISED by the same creators, but written by different writers- WHATEVER, it's still awesome. So what's the plot of this one?

Okay, one year after the events of Arkham Asylum (the first game), Arkham Island and Stonegate prison have been shut down. Instead, a big ol' section of Gotham city has been walled off and made into a massive prison, with no guards and barely any regulations.

The name of this penal facility (*snort* "penal")? Arkham City.

This was all the idea of Criminal Psychologist Professor Hugo Strange.

For any non Batman fans who didn't IMMEDIATELY nod their heads at that last sentence, allow me to elaborate.

Hugo Strange is a Batman villain introduced in the early 80's. His main distinction was that he knew Batman's secret identity. He is also jealous of Batman's status as a hero, to the point of obsession.

Anyhow, the whole "Arkham City" idea is so insanely stupid that it forces Batman to do the very last thing anyone expected him to do...

RUN FOR OFFICE.

No joke. The game opens up with Bruce Wayne making a speech for his Mayoral campaign. I find this hilarious when you consider that Batman is the single most antisocial person in the DCU next to Spectre.

But anyway, due to mind control bullsh*t, Strange has total run of the whole city, so he throws Bruce Wayne in Arkham City.

After being accosted by various goons, contacting Alfred and suiting up, Batman learns that there is a three way gang war going on between Two-Face, Penguin, and (of course) Joker.

Things get even MORE complicated when Batman finds out that Joker (due to the events of the first game) is dying of blood poisoning. That would be dandy if Joker hadn't just given Batman a blood transfusion and made several donations to hospitals around Gotham.

There is also another thing causing a time limit. In ten hours, the mysterious Protocol 10 will be set in motion by Hugo Strange.

And....

To be honest, it's a massive let down. Ra's Al Ghul is involved. I've just given any Batman fan the entire secret. Whoop di daw. Blow up the prison with everyone in it in the name of "justice" or some crap. Never would have seen that one coming. Keep surprising us, Ra's. Whee.

And, in the words of Buster Keaton "That's all the plot you're gonna get out of me."

So the plot's really damn good, how's the gameplay?

The gameplay had one VERY HARD TASK ahead of it. The player must FEEL like Batman.

Let's face it. It's EASY to feel like Superman. I LIKE Superman (probably better than Bats, all things considered), but Supes has one, and only ONE tactic.

Hit it 'til it breaks.

I can do that in ANY Video Game, and, not that it's INEFFECTIVE, it's not exactly the height of SKILL, is it?

There are a lot more facets to Batman's STYLE than that. So let's cover them one at a time.

Do I feel like Batman, the master martial artist?

Yes. Combat flows better than any game I've ever seen. It's got this RYTHYM to it that's just unmatched.

Punch, punch, punch, counter.
Punch, punch, punch, counter.

It really is amazing. It's also the kind of fun that gets me throwing myself at hordes of goons for the simple pleasure of removing their motor skills with a guardrail.

Do I feel like Batman, World's Greatest Detective?

Actually, yeah! There are a few cases where super-science FORENSICS are used to investigate murders and the like. The "Detective Vision" mechanic helps you track down thugs and follow trails.

Do I feel like Batman, Terror Who Flaps in the Night?

Disturbingly so. It would be really stupid to go head to head with an armed goon, let alone six of them, so you find yourself hiding in the rafters, picking them off one by one as they get more and more terrified until the last one is LITERALLY afraid of his own shadow.

The Detective Vision keeps track of heart rates, telling you how scared a particular goon is.

I like to get to the last goon, then wait until his emotional status goes from "Terrified," to "Calm," THEN I leap out at them.

Heh heh, I'm a sadistic bastard.

Do I feel like Batman, Master of gadgetry?

Yes I do. To an insane degree. I'm not going to outline them all here, but let's sat that you have every batgadget you have ever heard of, plus a few you haven't.

Still no car this game though. Though I think that will be fixed in the next one.

AND no shark repellent! I really could have USED it too...

Do I feel like Batman, the mildly deranged workaholic?

Ohohoo... HELL yes.

There are no less than FIFTEEN different long running side missions. See, Arkham City is a big place, and there are more supervillains here than just the ones I've name-dropped. My favorites being:

Down The Rabbit Hole: Mad Hatter. Really, that's all I need to say.

Be prepared though, this one is WEIRD.

Cold Call Killer: Victor Zsasz (being far more interesting here than he ever was in the comics) has kidnapped three innocent people and is threatening to kill them if Batman can't find the payphones he is cold calling around Arkham City.

This is a job for Detective Vision.

This is a good way for you to get acquainted with the map.

Riddler's Revenge: Yeah, you'll notice he was conspicuously absent from the gang war I mentioned earlier.

So yeah, Riddler has kidnapped a bunch of doctors and has hidden riddles and trophies all around the map. He also gives you a machine that, when you have found enough knickknacks, will give you a far more CHALLENGING riddle that will lead you to a hostage.

And strap in, because this one takes MOST OF THE GAME.

Do I feel like Catwoman? Wait, what?!

Oh, yeah! You get to play as Catwoman in this! I completely forgot!

Yeah, she has her own thing going on with Two-Face. It's not as interesting as Batman's plot, but it's okay.

But do I FEEL like her.... No. I don't have the legs for it.

But she does handle NOTICEABLY different than Bats, in a good way. I actually think I'm better at combat with HER than I am with Batman.

Her segments hardly feel like a slog on the game. So that is a definite plus.

So yeah. Gameplay is a solid ten.

I also can't go this whole review without mentioning the dialogue.

This game has the best dialogue I have ever seen in a video game. Period.

Every line in the story hits its mark. My favorite exchange being:

Batman: "It was all a lie. There's NOTHING wrong with you."

Joker: "Nice of you to say, but you of all people should know there's PLENTY wrong with me.

"Take my blood, for example. I wish someone would, this stuff's KILLING me! Haha!"

But you can eavesdrop on goons talking to each other about the current situation. My favorite conversations were:

1) A few thugs discussing the fact that they were going to attempt to RAPE CATWOMAN, HARLEY QUINN, AND POISON IVY.

I know I should be offended, but this one made me laugh. It's just funny to me.

Seriously, can I be there when you guys try? I wanna see just how far you get before losing an arm.

2) Penguin's goons discuss the presence of a monster under Penguin's hideout.

Not really FUNNY, but good foreshadowing on a later boss fight.

I won't tell you who it is, but let's say this particular gent was "Born on a Monday."

3) Some of Joker's goons, not wanting to join Penguin or Two-Face after Joker dies, come to the decision to become Batman villains. They begin to work out names and costumes.

I let these guys go without a scratch. More power to you, guys. I'll see you at Arkham.

Wow. This has been REALLY positive so far. I need to nitpick something.

....

Ooh! I got it!

Come on! Arleen Sorkin isn't voicing Harley Quinn anymore?! That is horsesh*t! Bruce Timm BASED the character off of her attitude! You got Kevin Conroy back for Batman, Mark Hamil back for Joker, and NOT Arleen Sorkin for Harley?!

What talentless bimbo DID you get?!?!

Oh....

Oh, you got Tara Strong.

My favorite voice actress on the planet.

The star of my favorite TV show.

And she did such a good job in this role I had to look on IMDB just to realize this had even happened.

Huh.

Yeah, this may just be the perfect video game.

I LIKE a few games better than this one (like I said, there is only so much Batman I can take before I get suicidal), but this is definitely the most WELL MADE video game I've ever played. I can't think of anyplace it really FAILS or is even lackluster. It's just a damn good game.

I got the "Game of the Year" Edition. It comes with a bonus disc with all the extra DLC that was released over time.

And I almost want to send them more money. Just, you know, out of RESPECT.

So yeah, pick it up. It's worth your time, it's worth your money, AND it's certainly worth the standard depression that comes with any Batman story.

SPEAKING of depression...

*Sigh* This means my leave is over. Back to crappy free XBLA games....

So come on. What have you got? I can take it.

NEXT POST: CIVILIZATION: REVOLUTION

Oh. Okay. Well this is hardly a BAD game.

I just suck at it.