"I've been having these weird thoughts lately......
Like.... Is any of this REAL... or not?"
This is going to be an odd month for me.
You see, normally I don't spoil the plot, normally I try to keep most of the story out of it.....
Not this time.
On April 2nd I am planning on publishing a review of my favorite video game of all time, Kingdom Hearts 2.
I want to explain why I love it. The PROBLEM with this is that I really love the turns the plot takes....
And KH2 is part THREE of a long and complicated story.
So here's the deal, over the next few weeks I'm going to give you the entire plot up until this point, bit by bit, so you can understand why I love the game so much.
God help me.
The tale actually starts with two companies. As different as night and day.
One of them is Disney, you all know Disney. At least you should.
The other is Square Enix, a game company I have been familiar with since the late 90's. It is most famous for its increasingly inaccurately named Final Fantasy series. (Can't wait for game 15, Square.)
Game designer Tetsuya Naruma, a junior at Square Enix, and a big Disney fanatic, went up to his bosses and asked them:
Naruma: Hey, I've got an idea for a game! It's sort of a weird cross fanfiction between the Final Fantasy and the works of Disney!
Square: That sounds.... odd. But not an ALTOGETHER unprofitable sounding idea! You're going to need to talk to Disney Interactive, though. If they give the okay, go ahead.
Naruma: Okay!
And so brave little Tetsuya went to Disney Interactive to do what most people do in the creative world, beg for money.
Naruma: So that's my idea! With a modest budget I think I can make something REALLY fun. What do you guys think?
Disney: Sounds good, here is most of our annual budget.
Naruma: I shall take this pittance you have given me and.... THE WHO WHAT NOW?!?!
So yeah, with more money than he knew what to with he proceeded to make the first Kingdom Hearts game, and make it more epic that he ever thought possible.
This was the first of many things you need to understand before I review the games proper: This is a cross between Final Fantasy and the works of Disney.
So if I mention Squall from Final Fantasy VIII, and then mention Mickey Mouse (and I will) don't get confused.
I will be mentioning characters from Final Fantasies VI-X. Also Donald Duck, Goofy, Chip and Dale, and Maleficent.
Try your hardest to keep up, it may get confusing.
The next thing I need you to understand, "Hearts."
Whenever I use the term "Heart" I am talking about the human spirit. I am going to be using the term A LOT, so get that understood now.
Another big thing you'll have to remember, the running theme of Light and Darkness.
This can be simplified down to Good and Evil, but it's a little more.... complicated than that......
Darkness isn't just EVIL it's...... negativity? No, more like..... CRUSHING MELANCHOLY. It's every negative feeling you've ever had, given form as crushing blackness. So while it is icky to use, the power of Darkness can be used for good.
Light is the exact opposite, inherently POSITIVE, but still a tool. It can be used for evil.
So that's the BASICS of the series, how are the next few reviews going to WORK?
I've got a lot of catching up to do for you guys, so I'm going to keep gameplay discussion to a minimum.
I will take time out to talk about gameplay, but most of the next few reviews are going to be plot synopses.
These are a series of Hack and Slash RPGs. They have great character design, some of the best boss battles I've ever seen, and a gripping (if a bit silly) plot.
There is my absolute BARE BONES review of these games. If you guys came to me only for buying advice you can stop here. Pick up these games.
If you guys came here to be entertained, stick around.
I'm going to TRY to be funny. As much as I love this series, it IS the silliest damn thing I've ever seen. And, while I will always defend this as a very good story, it is very easy to make fun of.
You know! Like every episode of Star Trek! Ever.
There are going to be terms that need defining as I lay this out. I will do this like so:
MCC's second anniversary: Perhaps an enormous waste of time that the Master Control Cynic is using to kiss the ass of his favorite video game.
I shall also make note of important names you will need to keep track of.
NAME YOU NEED TO REMEMBER:
Dr. Spunky
The reasons I am doing this is three-fold:
1) Aforementioned ass-kissing.
2) In future, I will be reviewing MORE KH games, and I don't want to keep blowing past the plot.
3) I want you to understand why I hold KH2 in such high esteem. I put it at the top of my favorite games list all the time. (A list I should PUBLISH at some point....) As a critic, THIS is my best foot forward. This is the measuring stick by which I judge, not only all video games, but all SEQUELS as well. You are coming to ME for judgment on a certain type of entertainment. I want to show you why I KNOW I'm not steering you wrong.
The only way I can do this is by taking you back to the beginning.
So, join me next time, for the first part of our little retrospective
NEXT TIME ON THE KINGDOM HEARTS RETROSPECTIVE: KINGDOM HEARTS 1
Okay. Gotta gear up, it is going to get weird.
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