I was asked about my last list post, why I wrote it.
Why did I write the a list about my favorite TV shows in a GAMING review blog?
Well the reasons for that are two-fold:
1) I needed to stall for time while I got my hands on Contra.
2) This is the important one. I want you to know as much about ME as possible without revealing too much sensitive information.
Picture a tall-ish gawky twenty something, laying in bed, trying to get his life together. He looks like a skinny teenage Doonesbury. Glasses, t-shirt, camo pants, sneakers.
So, yeah. A MASSIVE geek.
He's got a blog that very few people read. He fancies himself a decent writer (though he may be wrong), and despite the occasional apocalyptic spell, he's GENERALLY optimistic about the future.
The final important thing? Very often he is simultaneously playing video games, and listening to music.
However! Let it not be said that I have taken my eye off the ball. The purpose of this blog is to make your gaming experience better. I love this particular medium, I care about it deeply. I want everyone to have as much fun with it as I do.
So these are the songs that make gaming more fun. I don't think it will be just personal taste this time (though I certainly like all of these songs). I think these are pretty universal.
These are songs that just ARE good to listen to whilst gaming.
The rules are simple, I'll give you the song, the artist, why it's on the list, and when you should crank it up. Only one song per artist. Lyrical quotes are encouraged.
Alright, alright, alright! This is the Master Control Cynic, this party's MC, and I am so glad you all can make it. We're killing some time until I can finish my next game review. Give it up for DJ Pon-3 on the mixing board. That's enough of the intro, let's crank it up so we can take it down.
Vinyl Scratch! SPIN that sh*t!
(I told you guys I was a massive geek.)
10. CLOSING TIME
ARTIST: SEMISONIC
Yeah, a weird choice for this list, I know. Especially after such a high energy intro.
Closing Time is a very slow, very somber song. When I think of gaming, "alt-rock" is NOT the first thing I think of.
So why is it on the list?
Every time those credits roll, man.
The song is about moving on, moving forward, pushing ahead after something has come to an end.
"So gather up your jackets,
Move it to the exits,
I hope that you have found a friend,
Closing Time,
Every new beginning comes from
Some other beginning's end."
Even when a good thing ends WELL, it's still ENDING. You're sad that it's over.
When a good game ends, I put on this song. It perfectly encapsulates the bittersweet feeling of those credits rolling.
.......
Oh, and that "One last call for alcohol," line fits PERFECTLY when I'm playing something like Dead Island.
This song should serve as proof that Personal Taste isn't that much of a factor for this list. Since this song is for the credits, it's at the BACK of the list. You don't GAME to this song.
If it were up to me, this song would finish at least two places higher.
I CERTAINLY like it better than the list's next entry.
9. PARTY ROCK ANTHEM
ARTIST: LMFAO
I hate this group.
Truly I do. I do not believe I can think of a group that deserves its success LESS than LMFAO.
Milli Vanilli? Maybe?
You have to understand, THESE two idiots are the grandchildren of Motown record producer Berry Gordy.
And, as is tradition with the Gordy family, the secret to their success is BLATANT UNAPOLOGETIC NEPOTISM.
LMFAO had a long career of producing terrible party music before this became their breakout hit in 2010. The albums never sold, never turned a profit, and never charted. However they kept pumping out record after record, keeping far more TALENTED groups in the doghouse.
And then THIS song happened.
And......
And I love it.
The people who made it suck at their jobs, the producer is an immoral douche, the lyrics are useless bordering on the disgusting:
"I'm running through these h#es like Drain-O." *yeeeeechh*
But god DAMN the music moves me! And I crank it up EVERY TIME I play a turn on a tournament fighter.
I'll get into tournament fighters in a different review, here's the short version. There are 20-40 characters to choose from. You pick one. The computer picks another.
Proceed to beat the ever-loving piss out of each other. Have fun!
This is BY FAR my pet genre. These are the games I am best at, and I am DAMN good.
I mean AMAZING. Air juggling, high scoring, Denzel Washington "KING KONG AIN'T GOT SH*T ON ME!!!" good at these games.
And this song makes me BETTER. Something about the electronic beat, the punchy chorus, or just the obvious fun they are, in fact, having while singing it, is good for putting me in the zone.
Party Rock Anthem is a prime example of, what I call the "Backstreet's Back Effect." I.E. Good song, bad BAD artist.
However you look at it, Party Rock Anthem is a fantastic song for beating the crap out of someone.
For those times when someone is beating the snot out of YOU, join me at number 8.
8. YOUR HOROSCOPE FOR TODAY
ARTIST: "WEIRD AL" YANKOVIC
God this song helps you when you're losing.
I love Weird Al. I'm not going to explain who this guy is. He's the most popular novelty artist in the WORLD. Freaking Google it.
THIS song is Al giving each sign of the zodiac terrible horoscopes to a polka beat. If that prospect is a little to scary for the more superstitious of you, in all fairness, here's mine:
"Capricorn!
The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person but you know they're lying.
If I were you I'd lock my doors and windows and never ever ever ever leave my house again."
Yeah, it goes on like that for everybody. It's making fun of the horoscopes, saying that they lead only to failure and death.
And this is the song that plays over a montage of mine.
Whenever I'm slamming my face against a wall for hours accomplishing nothing, THIS is the song that pops in my head. Just over and over. My screw-ups are backed by accordions.
Yes. My Little Cynic: Failure is Polka.
Don't take this to mean I don't like the song. I love it. It's hilarious. It never ceases to put a smile on my face.
Which is why I say..... play it when you're losing.
Losing is not fun. It's irritating. It's frustrating. It can make you quit on a game that's GOOD too fast.
This song makes losing HILARIOUS. Your life instantly transforms from a Frank Miller comic to a Mel Brooks movie.
Weird Al is the only one that can turn your sucking at life into a punchline you can laugh at.
Your Horoscope for Today is the perfect song to put on when it JUST WON'T DIE.
Okay, this has been good for specific situation, let's get going to the more... GENERALLY APPROPRIATE gaming songs.
7. LAND OF CONFUSION
ARTIST: DISTURBED
Yes. The Disturbed version hits the list, NOT the Genesis version. For many reasons.
First and foremost, anything Phil Collins can do, anyone else can do better.
Second, while I like the Genesis version, THIS version is Metal, and Metal is just better for gaming.
Most video games are screaming guitars, a thumping beat, and a growling voice.
This song is on the list because of the amazing back beat, guitar straight from rock GOD,.... And the subject matter.
The song is about rising against, about rebellion. About taking the screwed up world, banding together, taking it over and FIXING it:
"This is the world we live in,
These are the hands we're given
Use them and let's start tying
To make it a place worth fighting for."
And.... Gamers want that.
We're not shut off. We're not ignorant. We watch the news and it affects us as much as it does you.
As douchey as this sounds..... you're right, it's a power fantasy to an extent. In almost any video game YOU have the ability to change the world for the better. You can make things right. You can FIX things.
And that's an ability that most people lack.
Or do they?
Land of Confusion says that we DO have the power to change the world. All we have to do is get up and TRY.
.....
Of course kicking down the door dressed as a f$&king OGRE, flipping over a table, and telling the world to go screw itself works.
6. SUPERMONSTARS. (ANTHEM OF THE PHANTOMS)
ARTIST: LORDI
I love this band.
They are IMMENSELY stupid.
Lordi is the biggest part of the "Monster Metal" sub-genre. The way this works is they will dress up as monsters, sing SONGS about monsters, and be generally devilish and satanic looking.
Mr. Lordi (the frontman) is a DEACON, and they all are members of their church's choir.
Because sometimes life is awesome.
So yeah, this song is about releasing the beast within you. The reason this song is on this list? Here it is:
"They tell your right is wrong,
Your high is low
GIVE'EM HELL!!!!"
It's right there! Right. There. You don't need much more incentive to get in there and kick ass than a growly Scandinavian, dressed as a demon telling you to "Give'em hell!"
It's so awesomely stupid it can't help you get psyched for the battle ahead.
Throw in one of the very few backbeats that I actually headbang to, and you've got one of the best songs of kicking ass I've ever heard.
It occurs to me that the last two entries on this list have been Metal....
Let's keep that up.
5. CUM ON, FEEL THE NOIZE
ARTIST: QUIET RIOT
No, no I didn't misspell that title.
I love this song.
This song is here ENTIRELY for its beat and guitar. This song has this perfect backing that is GREAT for feeling like a badass.
The problem is....
This song isn't ABOUT anything. It's just about..... well sex:
"Cum on, feel the noize!
Girls, rock your boys!
We get wild, wild, wild!
Wild, wild, Wild!
And drunk!"
..... And apparently getting wasted.
I swear to God, this song just CONGEALED out of pure '80s.
It doesn't exactly speak to anything to the deeper parts of the gamer psyche. So why is it on the list?
The way Quiet Riot SINGS this song.
Believe it or not this song is a cover. The original was sung by a funk artist who goes by the name of Slade. And it's not NEARLY as good.
Slade sounds more bored than happy about the orgy that he is inciting.
Quiet Riot.... Quiet Riot is having a BLAST.
This song is fun, and, this is going to be a controversial statement I know, gaming SHOULD be fun.
Although it isn't the DEEPEST song, it is a good song both for the battle, and the insane victory party afterwards.
But I need something.... Meatier than this.
Something that takes THIS song's fun beat and feel, with Land of Confusion's ability to foment revolution.
4. WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT
ARTIST: TWISTED SISTER
Whenever it comes, that inevitable heroic turnaround point in any game, hit the mute button and put this song on.
Yes, everything in this world just got a thousand times more awesome.
The song is about teenage metalheads being repressed by their parents, and as the title states, they're not going to take it anymore.
At base it's a song that's about being yourself and f$&k everyone else if they don't like it.
And since an AWFUL LOT of video games are about rebelling against authority, this song is perfect.
Also, this song is very good for getting you PUMPED, man!
Dee Snider: We're RIGHT!
Me: YEAH!
Dee Snider: We're FREE!
Me: YEAH!
Dee Snider: We'll FIGHT!
Me: YEAH!
Dee Snider: You'll SEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
Oh-whoa
Both of us: WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT!
Yeah. This happens every time I hear this song. Since I close my eyes, it can in fact HURT my gaming.
But I've kicked ass long enough, I want a song for when I am ABOUT to kick ass.
3. WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE
ARTIST: BON JOVI
The first song I ever remember loving was Bon Jovi's It's My Life.
I was FIVE. All I new was that song (backwards and forwards) and the name of the band.
I was playing Donkey Kong 64, I had unlocked the ability to play as Diddy Kong. I had the radio on.
Then Wanted: Dead or Alive came on the radio.
The song is PERFECT for the hero walking into town while everyone quakes with anticipation and fear at your arrival.
The song starts slow, very acoustic, very soft, and builds to a pounding climax.
Topping it off with one of my favorite verses in rock HISTORY.
"I walk these streets, a loaded sixstring on back,
I play for keeps, cause I might not make it back,
I've been everywhere, and I'm standing tall,
I've seen a million faces, and I've rocked them all!
I'm a cowboy,
On a steel horse I ride,
I'm wanted, (wanted)
Dead or alive"
Just..... Just AWESOME. Simply amazing this song is ABOUT the silent badass.
NOBODY screws with you. EVER. Everybody is quiet as a man with silent dignity, who could make the world burn at his touch, simply walking through town.
Either walking away from the showdown, or walking towards it, you crank THIS up and everything becomes a western.
Bon Jovi has to be my second favorite band on the planet. This has to be my favorite song of theirs.
For my FAVORITE band on the planet, join me at number two.
2. DON'T STOP ME NOW
ARTIST: QUEEN
I am not one to disparage other people's opinions.
We are all unique.
You are WELCOME to your own opinion, WELCOME to your own taste.
And if you don't like Queen, you are WELCOME to go f$&k yourself.
Queen is the single greatest band on the planet and I will hear no arguments. They changed what rock is. What performing is.
They invented the music video, for God's sake!
.... Okay to be fair, most of the time I can't figure out what Freddie Mercury is TALKING about.....
And in THIS song, I don't think HE knows what he's talking about:
"I'm a shooting star leaping through the skies,
Like a tiger, defying the laws of gravity,
I'm a racing car passing by like LADY GODIVA,
I'm going to go go go there is no stopping me!"
..............
Okay, so you're a naked flying tiger, who can transform into a RACECAR, in outer space, and you're going to go until you hit something?
...... Okay, I have no idea how you managed to mix FIVE DIFFERENT METAPHORS, but I appreciate your enthusiasm.
"Enthusiasm" is the operative word here, this song is so HAPPY. It's the song I play when I get a new game.
Sure when the illusion is BROKEN I shut it off but still...
You get this giddy feeling when you rip the shrink wrap off a new game. You immediately go to pop it into your console and switch it on. Nothing is going to shatter this games awesomeness! We've been waiting for this for MONTHS!! There is NO way this is going to suck! Right?!?!
..... R-Right?
Okay, so the illusion is shattered quick, but there is no better feeling to gamers than a new game, more importantly, a HIGHLY ANTICIPATED new game, arriving on the shelves or in the mail.
And on the rare occasion that a new game SURPASSES expectations, Don't Stop Me Now is the perfect victory lap.
I'd better be playing it A LOT this summer.
(Lookin' at you, Super Smash Bros. 4)
Okay. So here we go. My number one.
This list was hard to make. I had to really think about what would make the appropriate music for what situation.
But I knew from OFF that this would be my number 1.
And, weirdly enough, it's from a band I have a VERY stormy relationship with.
1. OVER THE HILLS AND FAR AWAY
ARTIST: NIGHTWISH
My brother is a MASSIVE Nightwish fan.
I am not.
I far from DISLIKE them. They've got a pretty good thing going with the metal backing mixed with the aria-like vocals it's cool. (Yes, they did do a cover of Phantom of the Opera, why do you ask?)
But a lot of their songs annoy the crap out of me. For every Planet Hell or Storytime, there's an I Wish I Had an Angel (A song that takes a bad metaphor for losing your virginity, wraps it in bad music, and then beats you in the face with it a hundred THOUSAND times.)
But GOD can they bring the epic when they need too!
The lyrics are irrelevant. This is actually a cover of a dusty English folk song about a guy who is falsely accused of robbery, but he has to COP to it because at the time he was nailing his best friend's wife.
Because it was Renaissance England, you were either having sex or getting beheaded.
It's purely the song's music and vocals that make this my number 1. With the operatic singing, the FANTASTIC baseline, the killer organ solo (yes, I just said that) this song....
This is the song for the Showdown.
Whether it be two guys with impossible swords and equally impossible hair about to decide which one of them has the more confusing backstory, a green suited teenager about to take on the giant pig demon from beyond time, or immigrant plumber versus giant turtle, this is the song that is playing.
No final boss fight is complete in my opinion, without Over the Hills and Far Away.
Okay. I hope this was entertaining. I hope this experiment helps your gaming experience.
And I KNOW I've distracted you guys for long enough to finish my next project.
Join me next time for a look at someone all of us love.
He is vengeance
He is the night.
He is the God. Damn. BATMAN
NEXT POST: BATMAN: ARKHAM CITY
"They came for him, one winter's night.
Arrested he was bound,
They said there'd been a robbery,
His pistol had been found."
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