Fire Emblem: Awakening

Let's get something out of the way before we start. Namely, a problem in the tone of the last review.

I have a friend who reads these reviews. He helps me with the quality of my writing, the lack of quality in my grammar, the fact that I spell words like a dyslexic orangutan, etcetera. He has been a massive help and I appreciate the help and feedback more than I can possibly say.

However he said something in our last discussion that concerned me. Namely that I was serving two masters, accuracy and comedy. I'm trying to be funny, which often means I highlight the negative aspects of the game more than the positive. Hence good games, like Castlevania, are cast in a negative light. Which is not my intention at all.

Castlevania is a good game. I was, and still am, having a lot of fun with it. I certainly didn't MAKE UP the negative qualities I highlighted in my review (God HELP me the QTEs), but it WAS a recommendation especially at the reduced price it's at now.

So let me make sure I am crystal clear on this.

Fire Emblem: Awakening is spectacular. Truly amazing. This is a very high recommendation. I'll explain why in a moment, but right off the bat BUY THIS GAME. Right now it is $40 and a Nintendo 3ds system is about $120, I think. Honestly I would gladly pay twice that for the pleasure of playing this game. I'm not joking. It's a little too early to tell, but this may end up being one of my favorite games of all time.

Right! Now that the salivating is out of the way, let's make with the funny!

............

It's kind of hard to portray Yankety Sax in text so if you would all play it at home I would appreciate it.

Fire Emblem is a series of tactics games that began in 1990. For those of you who don't know what a tactics game is, allow me to explain. Imagine a tabletop war-game, except you only have 6-14 soldiers and you decide what each of them is doing in the battle. Each of these soldiers have their own special set of skills, strengths and weaknesses, etc. and it's up to YOU to place them where they need to be.

On a scale of 1-10 of games I'm good at, these rate.... 5?.... Maybe a 6? I'm not the strategic type. I'm better at checkers than I am at chess. So my skill at these games is proportionate to my investment in the setting and story. This game may have pushed me to a seven.

The setting and story are really good, if they follow the formula a tad. In all Fire Emblem games, you play as an amnesiac tactician who is found in a field by a good-natured blue haired person who either doesn't know, or doesn't TELL you that they're royalty. You end up getting involved in court intrigues and international politics which distract from the ACTUAL threat (usually an omnipresent demon thinger) that you deal with in the last third of the game.

For those of you about to accuse these games of ripping off Game of Thrones, two things.

1) Fire Emblem 1 came out in Japan SIX YEARS before the first book of the Song of Ice and Fire series hit bookshelves.

2) Fire Emblem gets to the screwing POINT. I'm sorry. What are we, FIVE books in and STILL no attack by the Others? I mean the civil war crap is very interesting and you've made some REALLY deep characters, but I know for a fact that 60% of them are going to die when ice demons sweep down from the north and render all the politics moot. Seriously George, HOW are you keeping me invested again?!

As I was saying, this game sticks to formula... mostly. The tactician normally barely has any impact on the story and only exists as a confidante to the main character. In fact, going by the rules of storytelling, it's questionable whether or not the tactician EXISTS. Only the hero of any given title talks to him, and he only talks to the hero. It could easily be that hero's delusion or an embodiment of his or her own tactical skill. The tactician never says a word. You're supposed to fill in the dialogue for him.

In this game the tactician has a character, a voice, even a canon name: Robin, purposefully androgynous due to the fact you can play as a male or female character. The tactician is fully customizable (it is FRIGHTENING how much my tactician looks like me), and even useable in combat! Even USEFUL in combat!

Robin wakes up in a field and is found by Chrom. That is, PRINCE Chrom, blue of hair, mild of demeanor. Chrom spends his evenings killing monsters with a massive Falchion and he invites you to join the fun. Traveling with him you find out all about his nation's skirmishes with the kingdom to the north, how they BOTH are being manipulated by a kingdom to the west, and the internal relationships of the members of the adventuring party.

..... Oh, and there's a magic shield that's being hunted by a giant black fire breathing snake from beyond the curve of space and within the angles that lie beyond. He wants to use it to bring about a zombie apocalypse, but we'll deal with that later.

I make fun, but it's actually very well handled. The dragon is built up over time and the heroes have regular encounters with its forces. The fact that it's intelligent makes it more of a malevolence in the story. In fact *spoiler warning* it's been manipulating the minds of a lot of the nobility to throw the world into chaos, so the civil war is actually RELEVANT to the ending.

Have I made it clear how freaking sick I am of Game of Thrones' faffing about yet?!?

I also like these characters much better, most of THESE characters aren't assholes and those that ARE have other character traits. (Seriously, WHAT is the appeal of that series?!) In fact the characters are all very likable and well rounded. Which is very impressive considering there are 40 of them, and all of them can hook up with each other.

I'm serious. Every character can have a romance with characters of the opposite gender. Your tactician can fall in love with ANY OF THEM.

Here's a challenge for you. Create twenty different, interesting, well developed characters. Now create one character that's also very likable in his or her own right. Now create romances that make sense between all of them.

Tough right? Nigh impossible? God help me if they didn't manage it. They're ADORABLE. I don't care how girly I sound, these scenes are just so damn CUTE. I'll admit right now, I'm a sucker for a well done romance subplot and this game manages HUNDREDS OF THEM. It's really remarkable.

And best of all, it matters to gameplay. See, relationships only grow when you put people in battle next to each other. When that happens when they are near the other person their stats go up. When someone is with his or her spouse he or she is practically invincible. So I basically spend the first half of the game playing matchmaker and the other half undamaged.

Also, the tactician and each female character have children that show up to aid you in the game (time travel, it's complicated), and the child will have traits of the father, both physical and stat wise.

I'm sorry I'm gushing, but I only see three flaws with this game and they're so minor I feel petty mentioning them!

1) I'm not living up to the game's expectations.

Robin is supposed to be unto a GOD of tactics. You are Hannibal Smith in a wizard robe. You're supposed to be coming up with these INCREDIBLY COMPLICATED TACTICS in every battle.

You know what my one and only tactic is? Rush forward, hack with weapon. Preferably next to someone I'm boning.

2) The weapon triangle.

Fire Emblem became known for its unique weapon system. Characters with swords worked better against characters with axes, axes beat spears, spears beat swords.

In this title it's COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT. You get maybe a one point negative for making the wrong match up, but that NEVER MATTERS. It's like pot laws in Los Angeles!

"You shouldn't do that! *wink*"

3. Emmeryn's Revival

Halfway through the game there is the most moving death scene I have ever seen in a work of fiction.

No joke. It is beautiful. A truly stunning look at self sacrifice for the greater good. A woman throws herself off a mountain to keep her country together. It's played just as seriously as it needs to be. While it may be overwrought, I don't notice.

Because this is the only time so far that a work of fiction has made me tear up.

BUT THEN!

After the game's plot skips two years, we get a side mission wherein she actually fell through a time warp and landed in the near future with no memory of who she is or how she got there. She's being attacked by brigands and at this point she can barely speak.

............

What.... the f$&k?

Why?! Why did you DO this?! Why is this here?! What the hell HAPPENED?! The time warp? Never explained. The memory loss? Never explained. The fact that she was the ruler of a nation but her brother took over after she died and now the throne should go back to her? Never addressed.

It is so POINTLESS. So out of place. It doesn't belong.

However, it's a side mission. A DLC side mission at that. I can choose not to play it and I ALWAYS do. What would have been a huge negative mark on the game is now only minor because I can skip it.

This game is a must buy. Absolutely essential for any 3DS library. This is probably one of the best, if not THE best original game for the system yet. It's got likable characters, awesome gameplay, an incredible story, and probably the smoothest graphics I've ever seen in a tactics game.

Well, that felt good! I'm in the mood for some more strategy, though.... Maybe strategy while also pleasing the most needy government in gaming, all of it mixed with constant hair-graying stress....

NEXT TIME: XCOM: ENEMY UNKNOWN

Oh God.... Until next time.