Rampage: Total Destruction

After the SIXTH TIME I tried to write a Metroid Other M review only to have my blogspot eat the post making me play it all over again to remind me exactly why it pissed me off, I need a game that is FAR less cerebral.

So immediately I look on amazon and lo and behold! Rampage: Total Destruction was on my recommendations for dirt cheap, as if in answer to my prayer.

This is the very definition of a game where you do not have to think. You are King Kong (George the Ape, same difference) or one of his 39 friends. Destroy one of many iconic American cities (Currently I'm The Lizard that Stepped on Las Vegas)

There is, in fact, a plot (though I'm not sure WHY). Scum Laboratories is going to test a new soft drink called ScumSoda. They start a taste test. George ( at this point a college student) takes a drink, loves the soda, and immediately transforms into a giant gorilla.

No you did not turn over two pages at once.

Yeah! Turns out making soda near chemical waste was a TERRIBLE idea! And thus all forty members of the test group are transformed into giant Godzilla-type monsters.

Scum Laboratories immediately cryogenically freezes the test group and hides them across America. However five monsters escape and go on, well, a Rampage.

You can, of course, unlock the all the other monsters giving access to all forty.

First let me say this. It's HILARIOUS. It's the kind of funny that you only get from someone who DESPISES the human race, like Invader Zim. They do their best to remove any guilt about eating people, by making them the most HATEFUL PEOPLE ON EARTH. Every time you pick someone up to make them breakfast, they NEVER scream, or beg, or cry. They boss you around.

"That's it George! I'm taking you in!" says the cop that George has been carrying around in his two fingers for the better part of an hour.

"Good luck with that." *GULP*

The gameplay is..... on the better side of okay. It's pretty basic for this kind of game. I think it's a little limited. I want to jump up and down on a skyscraper until it's a parking lot, but I'm perfectly happy with pounding on the side of it and eating the residents.

None of the limitations stopped the FUN. I could easily play this game for HOURS if I had the time. Not only is this worth the $16 I paid for the game, it's worth the $250 I paid for my Nintendo Wii. A definite five star recommendation.

Now, if you will excuse me, John P. Witherschmitt of Chicago IL. I'm coming to destroy your apartment complex.